Thursday, October 28, 2010

"It's Not Worth It" (Sneak Peek: Chapter 3)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 3:

“I can’t believe that sneaky bitch tried to get you while you were by yourself.”
It was two days after the party, and Janessa was still fuming through the phone.
“Don’t even sweat it sis, that weak bitch wasn’t phasin’ me.”
“I don’t care. That shit really pissed me off. I got somethin’ for her ass. Plus, she keeps bringing more people into this. She betta calm down while she’s ahead. She don’t want me to start callin’ up my ghetto ass cousins from the projects. Then we can start talkin’ bout takin lives around this bitch.”
“All this talk about killin’ people ain’t even necessary. It’s not even that serious. If somebody dies over this that would be some real stupid shit. Over a nigga? Come on now! That bitch was just runnin’ her mouth as usual.”
“Well, if she keeps tellin’ herself that nonsense, she might convince herself that it is that serious. I know the bitch is real pissed now that her nose is broke. It has to be broke, gettin’ hit with that big ol’ head of yours!” She started cracking up in laughter.
I couldn’t do anything but laugh with her. “Fuck you Nessa.”
“Girl you know I’m just messin’ with you. On another note though, what’s up with Mr. Flawless?”
I knew she was talking about Rome. “He’s playin’ games.”
“What do you mean he’s playin’ games?”
“He’s playin’ hard to get. I know he wants me though. I can tell.”
“Well did you at least get a phone number? An email address? Shit… a facebook name? Anything?”
“Damn. How you gon’ get his ass then?”
“Oh, believe me. I have my ways.”
“I feel you. I think Kendall likes me.”
“For real?”
“Yea. I’m feelin’ him too. He’s supposed to come see me tomorrow night. I’m trying to figure out a way to kick Bethany out for the night. It shouldn’t be too hard though, she’ll probably go over a friend’s house or something.”
“Well that’s cool. I hope ya’ll have fun. How old is that dude anyway?”
“He’s 22.”
“What about the other two?”
“Langston is 22 also, and Justin is 21.”
“Oh ok. I’ma have to talk to you later though. I got some stuff to take care of.”
“Alright then.”
I hit the end button on my cell phone’s touch screen, set it on my night stand, and laid back on my bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had been happening this past month. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I was almost feeling relaxed, until my cell phone started vibrating. I didn’t look at the caller I.D, I just answered the phone, keeping my eyes closed.
“Biiiiiiiiiitch!! If I hear about you bein all over my man again at one of them parties, I’ma have to whoop that ass! You a fuckin’ club hoe. Leave my baby’s daddy the fuck alone. You the last type of bitch I need around my daughter. If you would stop givin’ him your number every time you change it, you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore dumb bitch!” Then she hung up.
It was Carlo’s baby’s mama, Adrienne. She had gotten my number once again. I didn’t even feel like responding to her anymore. That shit was getting old, so I just let her speak her piece. Once again she was talkin’ about something she didn’t even know about. I had never even been around her daughter. I guess she was scared that any new girl Carlo talked to would end up playing the role of a second mother to Keena. I didn’t want to take her place. Lo and I were just friends, but her insecurities would never let her accept that. That was stress she brought upon herself to deal with, while I was carefree.
All that, and I’m not even getting any. I thought to myself. Hell, if I have to put up with this shit, I could at least get something out of it.
I heard a tap on my door.
“Come in.” I said, knowing it could only be my mother.
“You ready?” She asked.
“Yep.” I had decided to sacrifice going out tonight to help my mother with one of the biggest wedding gigs she had booked in a while.
“We have a lot of work to do. I’m glad you decided to help out today. It’s been a minute since you’ve worked with me. You know you used to love helping me when you were little?”
“I know mama. I can’t forget when you’re always reminding me.” I smiled.
She smiled back. “Well, I just miss those days when you actually wanted to spend time with your mother. That’s all.”
“Well, now that I’m older, I’m trying to figure out what my passion is. You know? The way you found yours in cooking?”
“Well you better hurry up and figure it out. I’m not paying college tuition for nothing. You said you would decide what you wanted to major in by your junior year. School starts next month, so you have some discovering to do. You’re already done with all of your basic pre requisites. Remember what I told you though. Make sure it’s something you love, and something you can see yourself doing every single day. Don’t settle for what other people think you should do.”
“I’m keeping that in mind mama.”
“Ok. Let’s get going.”
I got up off the bed and took one last look in the mirror before following Lanett downstairs. I had to wear the ugly white collared shirt, with black pants, and a black bowtie. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, put it up in a banana clip, then I was ready to go. I walked downstairs and Lanett was already in the truck. I locked the doors and hopped in my mother’s work truck with her. The big red truck, that read “Lanett’s Catering,” in big blue letters.
When we arrived at my mother’s kitchen, the place was in complete chaos. When my mother walked in though, everyone knew it was time to get serious. I could tell by the huge amounts of food and number of workers my mother had called in to work today, that this wedding was a big deal.
I picked up a menu that was lying on a table and saw that these people were paying big money for my mother’s services. It had the choice of steak, lamb, or roasted chicken for meat. The sides were green beans, roasted potatoes, shrimp, sweet rolls, and my mother’s famous pasta dish. She called it three cheese linguini. It was the best. She mixed parmesan, cheddar, and mozzarella cheese in with linguini, broccoli, butter, and her own special mixture of seasonings that she never told any of her employees. No matter how busy she was, if her three cheese linguini was being made, she had to be called when it was time for the seasoning. I didn’t even know what she used in it. She said she wouldn’t tell me the secret ingredients until my wedding day. She said that it was sure to keep any man around.
Those were only the main dish selections on the menu. There were also appetizers and desserts to be prepared as well. The kitchen was so busy. Everybody was busy doing something my mother had instructed them to do. I didn’t know anything about cooking. My job was always to transport dishes and whatever else was needed for the event from the kitchen to the truck. The men took care of any heavy items I couldn’t handle.
The thing that was best about working with my mother was when we got to eat. The delicious aroma from all the food had my stomach doing flips. I hadn’t had the chance to eat before I left the house. The staff would sit out at the tables beyond the kitchen, say a prayer that Lanett’s Catering be presented well at the event at hand, and then dig in. I knew my mother’s staff had to love that part of the job, if they didn’t love anything else.
The wedding reception was scheduled to start in 3 ½ hours. We always ate an hour before it was time to go and arrived at the venue an hour before the guests started rolling in.
That was another thing that made my mother’s business unique. The guests never had to wait to eat because of something she did. If they were waiting, it was because the hosts were keeping them waiting.
The food was without question some of Lanett’s best work yet. After we had eaten all we could, there was still plenty of work to come. All of the food was carefully packed in the proper components to keep the food fresh and hot, and then packed in the back of the truck.
Once we arrived at the reception hall. I knew for sure that these people had some money. The layout of the ballroom was exceptionally beautiful.
My mother caught a glimpse of the amazed expression on my face and smiled.
“Every girl’s dream right?” She said, patting me on my back. Then she turned and kept tending to her business.
I turned and looked at her, a little embarrassed at my gawking. I couldn’t help it. She was right. This was every girl’s dream. I could only imagine what the actual wedding must have been like if the reception hall was this stunning.
The bride had obviously chosen lavender, red, and silver as her wedding colors. Not the typical combination of colors, but beautiful nonetheless. The flower arrangements were gorgeous. The area that was obviously the dance floor was glass. Soft, mellow music played that only added to the elegance of the atmosphere. The ceiling of the ballroom was sky high and encrusted with gems of some sort that glistened like stars in the dimly lit room. The floor was carpeted with plush rich purple carpet. It was breathtaking, unlike anything I had ever seen before.
I picked up a centerpiece from one of the tables and saw that the bride and groom’s names were Calvin and Ferren Dowell. I imagined that this must have been one of the happiest days of their lives and just as the bride had always thought it would be. For a minute I was jealous of her.
Soon all of the food was set up and guests were starting to arrive. The wedding party took their seats on the grand stage, while everyone else took the seats that were reserved for them. The families of the bride and groom sat front and center. I couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of Asian people in attendance. Everyone looked joyful as they hugged each other, laughing and smiling. Old friends shared old stories and caught up on new ones. A photographer snapped pictures of what would become a lifelong memory for the couple. Memories they would one day share with their children.
A man grabbed a microphone. He stepped on stage and asked for everyone to take their seats.
“Good evening everyone. The bride and groom have arrived. They are about to have their first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Dowell.”
The crowd glowed with smiles as they awaited the entrance of the bride and groom. It always seemed that everyone was hypnotized by love at weddings, as if they had forgotten the outside world that hardly understood the meaning of love. They actually believed for that one day that true love existed. They believed for one day that over 50% of marriages weren’t resulting in divorce before they could even reach their 5th year wedding anniversary. They believed for that one special day, that the newlyweds were a match made in heaven and that they would be together until death did them part.
“Please everyone,” the man on the stage continued “welcome Mr. and Mrs. Dowell.”
Everyone clapped as the live band played the music the couple had chosen to dance to on their wedding day. A woman dressed in a beautiful light pink gown took the microphone and stood in the center of the band and began singing a romantic ballad as the crowd oohed, ahhed, and laughed at the couple that walked in and took the dance floor.
I just had to see for myself what this couple looked like. What did the bride’s wedding dress look like? How was her hair? Her makeup? I couldn’t see past the large crowd of guests that were now standing and fighting for their own view of the couple to take photos for their own memories. I stood on my toes, and tried to see but I couldn’t. I started making my way through the crowd and around the tables, until finally I could see the beautiful couple.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The groom’s face was not a face I hadn’t seen many times before. The groom was Rome. I gasped in surprise as he danced around the dance floor with his beautiful bride. She had one of the prettiest faces I had ever seen. She was Asian and Black, which explained the Asian people. She had penetrating green eyes. Her hair was long, thick, and jet black. She had it curled in spirals and pinned up through her veil. Her shapely figure could rival any of the best shaped women I had ever seen. I hated to admit it, but she could even compete with me. Her dress had to be from a top of the line designer. It was a beautiful gown and the bride was flawless. I really envied her now that I knew who her husband was.
Rome must have been his middle name. He looked so happy staring into her eyes as they danced. They kissed and smiled. Then they smiled, laughed, and kissed some more. He looked amazing all dressed up in his tuxedo. I was used to seeing him dressed down in street gear. The sophisticated look, looked even better on him. I was lost in his dimples as he smiled, holding his new wife close to him. They were honestly the perfect couple.
I imagined that I was Ferren dancing in this beautiful ballroom, on my wedding day with the man that every girl in the city wished was her own, and now my husband.
At that moment, I didn’t feel as confident in myself as I normally did. I no longer felt like I could have whomever I wanted. I wasn’t happy with the men I had already stolen from the women that loved them. I now felt like someone had been stolen from me. I was so moved by their dancing, that tears started to well up in my eyes. They were beautiful. I wanted him. There had never been anything I wanted that I couldn’t have. The fact that he might be the first thing I couldn’t have, only made me desire him more.
I looked down and realized what I was wearing. He was up there dancing with an Asian princess, while I stood there in a hostess uniform. I couldn’t take this. I had to leave. I stormed through the crowd back to the kitchen where my mother was. I told her I wasn’t feeling good and that I was going to get a ride home. She insisted on driving me home before I convinced her I was ok.
I sent Jamel a text message telling him where I was, and that I needed to be picked up. He happened to be in the area and arrived just 20 minutes later.
I needed and wanted to feel desired. I needed to be around someone I knew could boost my confidence from its current zero to its usual ten. Seeing something I wanted so badly belonging to someone else made me feel low. I had to do it back to someone else. In this case, I was giving the feeling I had to Malinda. I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of these emotions. I only wanted to hand them out. Taking what belonged to someone else, would take away from what I was feeling right now. It was the feeling of not being wanted…the feeling of not being good enough…the feeling of second place….the feeling of rejection.
I climbed into Jamel’s car and unintentionally slammed his door.
“Well damn. Hello to you too Ms. Attitude. What’s wrong with you?” Jamel asked, shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the parking lot.
“Oh, nothing. I replied, not really realizing I was displaying my thoughts. “I just have a headache, that’s all. My mama was working me like crazy.”
“You’re such a brat. You think having to drive to an A.T.M machine is working hard to earn your money.” He laughed a little. “You do look cute in that uniform though. I remember I used to pick you up from school dressed like that. Those were the days.” He continued to reminisce. “Then, what we used to do when we got back to the house…that’s a whole other memory!”
“Shut up!” I said, shoving his arm. I couldn’t help but laugh. Laughter helped relieve the constant thought of Rome and his wife on that dance floor. “Keep it up, and you won’t ever have another memory to speak of.” I took my hair down out of the clip and rubber band and let it fall down my back. I tousled it with my fingers to make some fall down my shoulders.
“Well let me shut up then because we wouldn’t want that.” He said looking over at me licking his lips. “We wouldn’t want that at all.”
Jamel had a unique style that I doubt any other dude could pull off. It almost put me in the mind of the way Usher dressed, but he put his own twist on it. Today he was wearing a brown blazer, with a white v-neck t-shirt underneath. He had on plain dark-wash jeans, and brown air-force 1’s. His complexion is a soft caramel color, and he stands at about 6 feet even. He has very defined jaw muscles and his eyes are hazel. He is always changing his hair, but right now he had it cut into a Mohawk. It didn’t look bad on him at all. His head is very small, maybe that’s why it didn’t look as weird as it looked on other guys who tried it. Both of his ears were pierced, and he had a rather slender body frame.
I still had love for Jamel, but not the way I used to. I thought I was going to be with him forever until he cheated on me. Not to mention that while he was off at college, and I was finishing my last year in high school I began really growing into my looks. It was then that I started to allow young men to give me the confidence I have today. I was always comfortable in my own skin, but it was then that I felt I could have any guy I wanted. That was when I developed the ability to manipulate any female; to make her question her worth, which is the last thing any woman should have to question. That type of power was addictive. So, when Jamel came back from Atlanta and did what he did to me he only took away every doubt I had that maybe, what I was doing was wrong. All I knew was that it sure felt a hell of a lot better than the way he had me feeling the day I found out about him and Malinda.
We arrived at Jamel’s apartment in no less than 25 minutes. This place had become like a second home to me. There wasn’t much to it, and his mother lived on the floor above him, but it was enough. There wasn’t any furniture in his carpeted living room except for a small television that sat on a fold-away table, and a large futon. The only food he ever had in his refrigerator were the ingredients to make a sandwich, and the rest was junk food. It was the typical residence for a man with no family or responsibilities, other than to take care of himself.
His bedroom consisted of his king-sized bed, one dresser and a radio sitting on another fold out table. Anything else he needed, he got by simply going upstairs to his mother. He cared for her while she was ill, and she took care of everything else. He was a bit of a mama’s boy, but I could tell he was trying to loosen his ties from his mother for the fear that she might die.
When we walked in, I walked straight to the bedroom. There wasn’t too much of anywhere else to go. He followed behind me, knowing that this meeting was going to end the same way all of our other meetings had ended. I sat down on the bed. He turned the radio on and popped a C.D in. I took my shoes off and made myself comfortable.
“Your girlfriend is getting out of control.” I told him.
“Aww man. I knew that one was coming.”
“Yea. I bet you did.”
He sat on the bed, took off his blazer, then laid back in my lap. “I keep telling her to leave you alone. She just isn’t hearing. It’s sort of your fault though.”
“My fault? How is it my fault? If it’s anybody’s fault it’s yours Jamel. If you know you’re going to be cheating on that girl, what’s the point of even being with her?”
“First of all it’s your fault because you won’t be with me. If we would have just got back together like we should have, I would have left her alone a long time ago. Now, I keep her around because she holds her man down. She helps take my mother to doctor’s appointments when I’m workin’ or in school. She cooks for me sometimes when my mother is too sick, and when she comes over she even cleans up my place. I don’t feel attracted to her the same way I do with you, but she’s a nice girl. She doesn’t have a body like you, but she really loves me. She can’t get down like you in the bedroom, but my mother seems to like her. And lastly, you the only person I’m cheatin’ on her with.”
I was taken aback by Jamel’s response. “So basically she’s like a little maid or something. What you just told me is, she’ll do everything I sure as hell ain’t about to do! You damn right I wasn’t about to get back with your cheating ass! I don’t care if I am the only person you’re cheating with, you’re still cheating, and it’s still wrong.”
“You already know this Cameron. Why you actin’ all shocked? You haven’t been the same since the day I came home from Atlanta. I still love you, but you feelin’ yourself too much to be serious the way Malinda is. You can blame me all you want, but I could tell you wasn’t trying to be in a relationship no more, so that’s what I have her for. You’ll probably be bored with me in a minute anyway.”
I paused before responding. Jamel’s words had gotten to me but I wasn’t about to let him know that. “You right. We doin’ too much talkin already.” I said, changing the subject and bending my head down toward my lap to kiss Jamel’s lips.
He sat up, now facing me. He kissed me back. We began a gentle tongue wrestle, as Jamel started unbuttoning my shirt. I stopped kissing him a minute to remove his t-shirt. He let his hands roam over my breasts, while we continued to kiss. I loosened his belt and unbuttoned his pants. He slid my shirt off my shoulders and unlatched my bra. He palmed my breast, which were more than a handful, as he began kissing and sucking my neck. That shit felt so good. He kissed my collar-bone, and made his way down to my breasts. He tickled my nipples with his tongue, causing me to release a soft gasp. I closed my eyes, lay back on my back and let him continue. He gently licked and sucked my nipples and kept moving down toward my belly. He swirled his tongue in my navel as he removed my pants and panties. When they were all the way off he placed my legs on his shoulders and kissed my inner thighs. I began to moan, knowing what was about to happen next.
I could never fully relax at Jamel’s house. There was a possibility that Malinda might pop up and some bullshit might pop off. That would be a hell of a situation to get myself out of. I thought to myself that this would be the last time I went over Jamel’s place. He made it clear to me that I was only around for his sexual gratification. I mean, sure I had the same reasons for keeping him around, but that just made it all the more logical for us to end this. After witnessing Rome with his wife, a small desire started to form in me that wanted the same thing him and Ferren shared. I could never do the things that Malinda was doing for Jamel. The dick was awesome, but I was going to have to give it up. He wasn’t the one I wanted to be with. So, why was I wasting my time? Why was I dealing with the drama?
I snapped out of my personal thoughts when Jamel began flicking his tongue on my clit. I fought for enough air to inhale, while my pussy went from wet to soaked. He began sucking on it and circling his tongue around it. It felt like all my troubles were drifting away with every lick. He reached up and massaged my nipples as his tongue dived deeper into me. It was feeling absolutely amazing, but for some reason I just wanted to hurry it along. I grabbed his head as he licked my stress away. I was about to come, but I wanted him inside me while I came.
“Ok stop.” I panted. “Let me ride you.”
With no hesitation, Jamel laid back on the bed. I pulled his pants and boxers down. I licked and sucked his fully erect penis just enough to make him throb for me before I placed a condom on it. I climbed on top of him, and eased him inside of me slowly and closed my eyes. He filled me up just right. It felt incredible.
“God damn Cam!” He said in response to how drenched I was. He grabbed and smacked my voluptuous ass as I made him go deeper inside of me every time I brought myself down on him. I moved slow enough to drive him crazy. Then I sped up as I began to come all over his dick. The fact that his eyes were rolling in the back of his head let me know that he wasn’t too far from his own pleasure peak. He grabbed my ass and pulled me down onto him harder and harder each time. My legs were beginning to shake as I came yet another time. The last of my two orgasms made my body too weak to continue. He rolled over on top of me and damn near stroked my life away until he came along with me on my third trip to an orgasm.
I laid there trying to catch my breath, and knowing that this was the last time I was going to experience what I had just enjoyed so much. I wasn’t giving him up because of Malinda or because of anything he said. I was giving him up because our relationship was long overdue. Besides, like he said, I was bound to grow bored with this shortly, knowing that nothing else was to come of it.
Normally we would just take a break after Jamel’s first eruption, then get back to it, but not today. I was ready to go.
“Can you take me home?” I asked, after washing up in the bathroom.
“Already?” Jamel said, looking confused.
“Yea. I’m just tired. I have a horrible headache. Can you just take me home?”
“No second round?”
“No. I’m all tapped out. Just take me home.”
He started looking really upset. “I was right huh? You bored with me? You’ve never been ready to leave so soon.”
“No Jamel. Don’t say that. I just have to get home. I’m really tired.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Something in Jamel’s eyes didn’t look humane. He almost looked like he wanted to hurt me. It alarmed me. I didn’t know what to think of it. I just knew I had never seen such an expression from him before. I think he sensed that I was ready to end this for good. He didn’t say anything else, he just grabbed his blazer and keys and started walking to the door. I almost felt guilty; like I had done something wrong, or like I owed him something. I started to tell him I was just kidding, but I just wasn’t in the mood to stay.
My whole attitude toward him changed after what he said to me, and I just wanted to be out of his and Malinda’s life. I knew that Jamel didn’t want to lose me altogether. Deep down he wished I would do all those things for him Malinda did, but he just wasn’t anybody I pictured myself catering to. I could have just kept using him whenever I needed him, but I didn’t want to anymore.
The drive to my house was awkwardly silent, and Jamel kept looking at me with pain in his eyes. I looked out the window for the remaining miles so that we wouldn’t make eye contact anymore. When we pulled up in front of my house I reached for the handle to open the door and get out, but Jamel grabbed my arm.
“So, something is wrong with you.” He said staring at me. “You’re not going to give me a kiss or anything before you go? You’ve been acting weird since I picked you up.”
“I’m sorry.” I reached over the armrest and tried to give him a quick peck. He wanted more. When I tried to turn my head away from him, he yanked my head back and held it to his face. He kissed me deeply and passionately as if he knew I wasn’t planning to see him again after today.
“Now, you better call me.” He said, with a demanding tone in his voice.
I was a little shocked. He acted like there were gonna be consequences of some sort if I didn’t call him. He was beginning to scare me almost. I wanted to just tell him the truth at that point, but something told me that wouldn’t be a good idea.
“Alright.” That was all I could bring myself to say.
“Bye.” He said, as he pulled off. I had barely closed his door, and I certainly hadn’t made it in the house yet. He was hurt. He knew I was done with him.



  2. Thank you so much! I'm glad u enjoyed the story so far && thanks even more for spreading the word! I truly appreciate your support! =)

  3. My name is Kisha I live in Dallas but from STL i love this book I will definately buy. You are such a great writer. This book is holding my attention and I'm imagining every scene as if i'm watchng a movie. Great work!!!!!

  4. Thank you so much for reading Kisha! I sincerely appreciate your support! It really means a lot! ^_^