Sunday, September 8, 2013

It's Not Worth It (Official Trailer) This Christmas!! December 25, 2013!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

"It's Not Worth It" (Sneak Peek: Chapter 1)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 1:

“I know, I know,” I replied as I listened to my mother ramble on about how I had to make better decisions. Lately it seemed like having this conversation with my mom had become routine. I might have been able to recite word for word the things my mother was saying right now, “Cameron, you cannot keep heading the way you’re heading. Nothing good will come of it. I know from experience, and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made. You are beautiful, young, and much smarter than the situations you put yourself in. I’m telling you this because I love you sweetheart, and I just pray that one day you will understand…hopefully before it’s too late.”
My 35 year old mother Lanett spoke with so much passion. I knew she meant well, but something in me was changing and I couldn’t stop it. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15 years old, and raised me with the help of my grandparents. My father’s name was Camden Lox, which is how I got my name; he was 17 at the time. I’ve been told that he came around every once in awhile back then, but I don’t remember him. He was killed at the age of 19 in a drive-by shooting. He left my mother and me everything he owned which was only $10,000, some jewelry, and his Honda Civic, but at least it showed he cared.
My grandparents never liked him, they say he distracted my mother too much from her school work and influenced her to do things that she shouldn’t have been doing. I’m sure my mother can understand where they were coming from now, since having me at 15 prevented her from graduating high school. She often wonders what her life would be like if she would have made better choices and went to college the way my grandparents always wished she would. She always assures me though, that having a daughter to care for gave her the drive she needed to turn her life around. She doesn’t regret having me, but she sees me as a blessing and a symbol of the changes she needed to make. She told me that if it weren’t for me she would have most likely been with my father the night he was killed.
Despite the many mistakes she made my mother was able to turn her passion for cooking into her very own catering business, Lanett’s Catering, which is one of the most popular catering companies in the Detroit, MI area. Her business is growing every day and I am really proud of my mother for making something of herself and for providing a comfortable life for me growing up.
I wanted to take my mother’s advice and stop what I was doing while I was ahead. For some reason though, I enjoyed how I was changing, and I gained a certain satisfaction from living on the edge. I was 20 years old, and I was still trying to figure life out for myself. My mom had just bailed me out of jail for a street fight outside of one of my friend’s party. We were in the car on the way home as my mother continued, “I’m just really worried Cameron. I want you to have fun and enjoy your youth but in the right ways. I don’t want to expect that every time you’re out, you will end up fighting, in jail, or dead for heaven’s sake! This is not the way to live. Don’t you understand that people are always going to be jealous of you? You can’t fight everyone who is; sometimes you have to remove yourself from a situation before it even comes to that. It doesn’t mean that you’re weak, it means that you are a mature adult who makes smart decisions before it leads to dangerous situations.”
I just nodded my head as I held the ice-pack Lanett brought me to my swollen lip. My head was spinning from my hangover, and at this point I did wish I would have handled the situation differently. I had a date tonight and my hair was a mess, my lip was swollen, nails broken, and blood stains covered my orange polo shirt. I just couldn’t wait to get home, take a nice long shower, and lay down to get some rest.
This was the fourth fight my friends and I had gotten into in the last 3 months, all because of one small altercation that kept escalating. This was the first time it landed us in jail. We really were too old for this, but this was the price that came with popularity among the most wanted men in the city. We were V.I.P at every party, the best dressed in any crowd, the best looking to any man who wasn’t blind, and the desire of every girl’s boyfriend or baby’s daddy. We knew it, they knew it, we flaunted it, and they hated it. My three best friends Janessa, Tamela, Marcie, and I loved the way the girls envied us, and all the attention we got from men. We were like celebrities in our city. We were living in the fast lane; the problem was there were plenty of envious girls who would stop at nothing to knock us off our pedestal. I could stop at anytime, you know, stop partying in the midst of all my enemies, stop stealing boyfriends, and start listening to my mother’s advice. I just couldn’t stop though; I was enjoying myself too much. It was crazy how much power I had simply for looking like this.
I am a spitting image of my mother, and everything that she lacks I must have gained from my father’s side of the family. I have the same flawless light caramel complexion, thick jet black hair that stops just before my waistline, noticeably brown eyes, and shapely lips. Lanett is a small woman though, only 5’2 and very petite. I’m 5’6 with more curves than her. My 38 C sized breasts sit up perfectly in my clothes, and my waistline is small enough to be measured with child sized shoe strings, which accentuates how round and fat my ass is, and the perfect thickness of my thighs and hips. Yes, I was every man’s fantasy. I put myself over any video vixen because I was born this way; I didn’t need the airbrush, the implants, or the make-up.
When we finally pulled up in front of our home, I slowly removed my sore body from my mother’s Lexus truck and followed her to the door. She unlocked the door and I was happy to be home, it was spotless as usual and smelled of cherry blossoms.
“Go upstairs clean yourself up, and lay down. I’ll bring you up some aspirin in a minute.” Lanett told me with genuine motherly concern.
“Ok mama and I really am sorry that you had to come down there and get me. I heard everything that you were saying to me, and I know I have a lot of thinking to do. I have to start behaving like an adult.” I said, trying to put my mother at ease. I could tell she was happy to hear that, when I saw the muscles in her face relax a little, and turn into a warm smile.
“I’m glad you realize that baby. Now go ahead and get cleaned up.”
I turned to continue walking up the stairs wondering if I really could change while I had the chance. I wanted to, for my mother and for my own well-being but this life was addictive and I didn’t know how to pull myself away from it.
After my shower, I lay in my bed wrapped in a robe and towel around my freshly washed hair. I felt a lot better, but my head was still hurting and I discovered a few new scratches on my body from the sting of the soap during my shower. I got up to look in the mirror at my lip. “Jealous bitches!” I said aloud, looking at the small wound on the corner of my bottom lip. Just then my mother walked in with a glass of water and aspirin just as she said she would.
“Here, take this.” She said handing them to me, so I did. After I swallowed the pill she gently raised my chin to take a better look at my lip. “Well, at least the swelling is going down. Keep some ice on that.” Then she closed my door, leaving me alone in my room.
I found my cell phone in the pocket of the vest I’d worn over my polo to the party. I put it on the charger and hit the power button, only to receive 10 voicemail alerts, and 15 text messages. They were mostly from Janessa, Marcie, and Tamela and some of the texts were from the guy I was supposed to be having a date with tonight, but I planned on cancelling. I listened to a message from Marcie. “Hey Cammy, just calling to let you know I made it home and making sure Lanett didn’t kill you. Call me when you get this. Bye.” The next message was from Tamela, “Ay dios mio chica,” she said in her spicy Puerto Rican accent, “call me as soon as you get this! Ok? My mom is so pissed at me, ugh!” Then there was Janessa “Cammy girl, you need to call me back A.S.A.P! I knew I should have waited with you until you made bail. Since Lanett was catering that big wedding I knew it would take awhile for you to reach her. Call me back. And oh yea…we beat they asses! It was so worth it.” I laughed; you could always count on Nessa not to learn anything from her actions.
I love my best friends, whom most of the time I call my sisters. Being an only child can be pretty boring, so my mom always allowed my friends to hang out at my house, or for me to visit with them. We all graduated from the same schools and are inseparable. We come as a package deal, with one comes the others. Sometimes we argue of course, because we’re girls, but I really view these girls as my sisters that I can rely on for anything.
We’ve been through just about everything together and that is what makes us even closer. Together we got through the death of Marcie’s older brother Marcel, the abuse of Tamela’s mother’s boyfriends, and Janessa’s mother putting her out of their home. We all had our problems but we always helped each other to overcome them. Janessa had to stay with me and my mom when her alcoholic mother kept putting her out on the street. She worked for my mother until she graduated and now she is a manager at a local cell-phone store and makes enough money to live in her own apartment with her little sister, Bethany, as her roommate.
Janessa is 21 years old and has basically taken care of herself and her 16 year old sister all her life. She is beautiful. Her dark chocolate skin is smooth and pretty. Any man who has ever preferred lighter skinned women surely changes his mind when he sees Janessa. She has the longest natural eyelashes I have ever seen, which really compliments her mysterious, lemon shaped eyes. You could get lost in those things. She has a slim, yet very shapely build standing at about 5’4. She looks good in anything she wears, unlike me who has to get things tailored to fit my body proportions. She wears her hair in a layered bob-cut; it’s short in the back and longer in the front. It really matches everything about who Janessa is; I haven’t seen anybody rock the hairstyle better.
Marcie is the one with the wild sense of style. She is always putting her own twist on whatever she wears. It always looks amazing on her, but there probably isn’t anyone else who can pull it off. Marcie is 20 as well, and the redbone out of the crew. Her light yellow complexion automatically gets attention, but her deep gray eyes are what locks the attention in. She is only about 5’1 with a ridiculous body, I’m talkin’ about the curviest I have ever seen anyone who was so short. She has very shapely bowlegs with big calves and tiny feet. She has perfect teeth, and she always has her hair done in some sort of new up do like a bun, a ponytail, or some other creation of hers.
Finally there’s my girl Tamela. She is like a Puerto Rican goddess. She speaks Spanish fluently and charms a lot of guys with her sexy Latin accent. Tamela is the baby at just 19. She’s just a shade lighter than me with a golden tint to her complexion. She is about 5’5 with dimples and reddish brown wavy hair that just passes her bra strap. Tammy and I, we seemed to be the most alike personality wise. Tamela has a nice shape too, similar to Janessa’s. The only thing is her chest is a little smaller. They’re always stealing each other’s clothes because they wear just about the same size everything.
I love my girls. Without them, my life would be dull. Or would it change for the better? We all needed to slow our role, or a rude awakening would definitely slow us down the hard way. This wasn’t just any territory we were claiming as queens; this was Detroit, the home of thousands of cutthroat females who wouldn’t let anyone cross them the wrong way. We could only keep our title until someone took it away or until we chose to give it up. Only time would tell what choice we would make.

"It's Not Worth It" (Sneak Peek: Chapter 2)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 2:
“Girl, I cannot wait till tonight! I’m doin’ the fool all through that bitch! Y’all already know we gotta come extra hard tonight, I just might meet my future husband at this party…or should I say I just might snatch somebody’s husband tonight!”
We all laughed as Janessa expressed her excitement about tonight’s event. We were all at Janessa’s crib comparing and critiquing outfits for the night. This was definitely the party of the year. This was the party that “Dream Big Productions”, the hottest record label in Detroit, only threw once a year. People everywhere anticipated this event like it was Detroit’s own Grammy’s or something. Everybody came through to show love, the local radio show hosts, local artists, and even some of the bigger names in the industry. It was a sight to see and the place to be.
“Girl you ain’t lying, I’m not showin’ a speck of remorse for these weak hoes tonight. The whole party gon’ stop when we walk through. You know we’ll be the baddest bitches there, I can hear ‘em hatin already,” Tamela said smiling and giving me a hi-five for approval.
Marcie just stood by and laughed at us while she text someone on her cell phone. Today she was wearing her hair in a bun with swoops in the front and sparkling gold studs in her ears. The up hairstyles she wore always seemed to bring out her shark-shaped gray eyes even more. Her clothes were unique as usual; turquoise shorts that really hugged her ass and hips with capri-cut, leopard-print leggings underneath. Who knows where she found the turquoise, v-neck halter with the leopard-print strings that tied around her neck and back, and showed a tasteful amount of cleavage to match. I’m guessing her aunt made it for her as she did most times. Marcie’s aunt owned her own boutique downtown called Gorgeous Ensembles, where she sold all her designs. Marcie was always getting her to sew up something that only she would think of. She wore it with black thong sandals that wrapped around her ankles, and criss-crossed up below her calves.
“Marcie, girl you been in that corner textin’ for about two hours now. Who the hell you talkin’ to?” Janessa asked.
Marcie smiled because she knew it was coming. “Just my new boo.”
We all laughed. “Who is it this week Marcie?” I teased her. She was always talking about a “new” boo.
“His name is Langston; I met him at Somerset like a month ago.” She said nonchalantly.
Somerset is one of the “high-end” malls in Michigan that sells all the really pricey designer clothes, so we knew Marcie must have been on another paper chase with this “new boo”.
“Somerset, huh?” Tamela pried.
Marcie rolled her eyes. “Yes, Somerset. I already know what ya’ll thinkin’, and it ain’t even like that. He seemed real nice. A little different from what we’re used to in the average Detroit nigga, you know?”
“No. What is that supposed to mean?” Janessa asked looking confused.
“I mean…he wasn’t rude. He didn’t know who I was or try to pretend like he did either. He acted like he found it a privilege to be talkin’ to me, instead of making it seem like he just made my dream come true by showin’ me some attention.”
I understood exactly what Marcie was talking about. Most of the dudes around the city knew who we were, and for some who were looking for recognition it was the only reason they pursued us. They knew we were the most wanted, so they tried to use us to boost their own statuses. The others who already had their egos blown up from most of the women in the city, felt like if they talked to us we were supposed to feel better about ourselves or something. It was flattering, but got annoying at times, so I knew where Marcie was coming from.
“The fact that he was pushin’ a Bentley didn’t hurt either though!” Marcie said, interrupting my thoughts. We all laughed.
Nessa gave Marcie some dap. “Now that’s what I’m talkin about sis! Where da money at?!”
“He’s supposed to be comin’ to see me tonight at the party. He said he’s never been to Cobo for the “Dream Big” party.
“Oh, you must be really feelin’ him bringing him to the party. You know you ain’t gon’ have no fun. He gon’ be tryna act like he own you all night.” Tammy pointed out.
“Nah, I don’t think we’re at that point yet. He said he’s just gonna come through and check it out with some of his boys.”
“Oh hell yea, I’m tryna get with one of his boys if they got cash like him.” I said laughing.
“Go ahead. I told him I had some girls for them.” Marcie replied, encouraging me.
We arrived at Cobo hall that night and the place was jam packed just as we predicted. There were half-dressed females everywhere you turned trying to catch some guy’s attention. It was working too, niggas were looking around the room like they were in heaven licking their lips, howling in approval, and grabbing hands or whatever else the ladies in the building had on display for them as they walked by. I spotted some local artists and members of “Dream Big” in the crowd shaking hands, and trying to dodge the needy females who were desperate for their attention, barely allowing them room to make it through the chaos.
Everywhere we walked there were a group of girls pointing at us and whispering amongst each other, or a girl angrily shoving her boyfriend or man of interest for staring at us too long with lust in his eyes. We were all looking our best and that infuriated every girl in attendance, while it made every man’s day.
I wore a classy yet very sexy, peach, lace, and silk dress that hugged every curve of my body and came to the middle of my thighs in length. It had a low v-cut back, narrowing to a point just before my ass, showing the deep arch in my back, the short sleeves set off of my shoulders, and the lace was sheer at the cleavage, showing off my healthy breasts. I accessorized it with authentic pearls around my neck and wrist, studs in my ears, cream stilettos, with a six inch gold heel, and a gold clutch. My favorite vanilla scent that I placed on my neck, wrist, between my thighs, and cleavage followed me everywhere I went, and lingered in places I had already moved on from. We had the vast majority of the place in awe with all of our flawless and unique beauty. The men that the girls were breaking their necks to get to, were breaking their necks to get a good look at us. We loved it!
I spotted the CEO of “Dream Big” in the midst of all the mayhem with a mic in his hands. The blaring music stopped when he cued the D.J. Everybody turned and looked at him.
“What’s up Detroit? For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Rome. This year we decided to combine the 5th Annual “Dream Big” party with my 28th birthday celebration. With that being said, I just want to thank everybody for comin’ out and supportin’ us tonight. I hope everybody can have a good time and leave the bullshit at home. Ya’ll know I don’t tolerate that ignorant shit at my events. Just put it this way, if anybody senses any bullshit about to pop off let me know personally. I guarantee I will put that shit to an end myself, I don’t even know why I’m paying security. Me and my partners will make sure we handle yo’ stupid ass if you try anything. Anyway, that’s about it, let’s bang this mutha fucka out yall!”
Rome cued for the D.J to start the music back up and the crowd went nuts. Everybody in the building knew how serious he was about what he said. Rome had respect from everybody in the city. No nigga would try to test him, and every girl in her right mind wanted to be titled as his woman.
“Lord, that’s a sexy ass motha fucka right there!” I heard a girl standing in front of me say. She sure wasn’t lying. Any female who disagreed was either blind or just plain stupid.
Rome had a flawless caramel complexion like I had never seen. He was about 6’5 and 200 lbs of pure muscle. Every feature about him was perfect, big brown eyes and luscious, kissable lips. He kept his hair cut low to his scalp with the cleanest line up, from his side burns to his goatee. His smile made my day every time I saw it with his perfectly aligned white teeth and those sexy ass dimples. The man was just plain beautiful and he stayed fresh. He was rockin’ brand new $500 grey jeans; a short-sleeved red button-up that he apparently had custom made because it read “Dream Big Productions” on the back in big grey letters, and C.E.O Rome on the flap of his left front pocket. He wore a grey fitted-cap with a red Detroit Tigers’ D on the front and red and grey Prada sneakers. The diamond stud in his ear glistened, and so did his huge chain and matching watch.
“I want him ya’ll.” I said half aloud, while half thinking it to myself.
All of my friends turned and looked at me with smirks. I said those very words every time I saw that man.
“Girl you have been saying that for the longest. What’s stopping you? Get that nigga then.” Marcie said. “You know it ain’t nobody we can’t get.”
“Yea but this is Rome we’re talking about ya’ll.” Tammy interrupted. “He dated an ex member of Destiny’s Child for a year for Christ’s Sake!”
I laughed. “Damn Tammy! You don’t have no faith in ya girl huh? I got this! I’ma make a move tonight. I’m ready.”
Tammy put her hands up in the air, as if to say she surrendered. “I’m just sayin’, you might wanna pump your breaks a little. That’s all.”
In the middle of our mini-discussion we were interrupted by the crowd going wild. A popular song came on and every man was running to get behind a girl that was bouncing her ass. We all bounced to the beat and rapped every word along with the rapper. When the D.J faded the music you still heard the crowd screaming the lyrics. As I started to get into the groove of the music I felt strong hands grab me by the waist. I turned around and saw Carlo, the guy I was supposed to have a date with after the fight. He looked extremely good as usual. He looked me up and down and then hugged me. “Cameron girl, you look too good right now. You know that don’t you?”
I smiled. “Thank You. I guess you don’t look so bad either.”
He hugged me again. He smelled so good. His mocha brown skin was so sexy to me. His long braids were always the neatest, as they were tonight. His eyes were deep and almost hypnotizing, decorated with the longest, curly eyelashes. We talked a little more and then danced to the next song that came on, which was slow. We danced closely, grinding each other to the music. When the lights dimmed he began rubbing his hands down my exposed back and rested them on the nape of my ass.
I felt close to Carlo as we danced. Not close as in distance, that part was obvious, but close emotionally, like I knew him forever. We always had an amazing connection. We were never intimate; we just went out from time to time over the last 6 months. He tried to take it a step further with me a couple of times but I didn’t want to deal with the insane mother of his 2 year old daughter. That bitch stalked me every chance she got, thinking me and Lo had more going on than we really did. She would play on my phone all day until I just got fed up and changed my number. I told Lo to stop leaving his phone around for that crazy heffa to go snooping.
I would just stop giving him my number all together but he threw me a stack or two when I needed it, plus he was my boy. That was the only thing keeping me from giving Adrienne, his baby’s mother, the good ass whoopin’ she needed. I enjoyed his company and we had fun together. He told me he wasn’t involved with his daughter’s mother anymore and that even though she wanted him back the only reason he dealt with her was because of his daughter, Keena. I would’ve been a fool to believe that.
We separated from each other and went our separate ways when the song ended. I turned around and saw Marcie chatting with three dudes I had never seen around before. I figured that the one closest to her must have been Langston, the guy from Somerset. The other two guys looked really out of place. I could tell this was their first time at one of these events. One of them was light-skinned with a low afro cut that was neatly lined up with glasses. The other was dark brown-skinned and actually kind of cute. He had 360 style waves in his head with an earring in his right ear. His eyes were almost hazel but not quite light enough.
Langston was fine, just like Marcie said he was. He was light-skinned as well, but not as light as his friend or Marcie. He was a pretty boy and had the prettiest hair. You could tell he didn’t use any hair products to get his s-curl texture. He had it cut in a mini afro as well. Their style was kind of preppy but they were still fresh. Tammy and Janessa walked up beside me.
“Fresh meat,” Tammy said with a grin, looking at Langston and his friends.
Janessa laughed, “Fresh, rich, suburban meat,” she said giving Tammy a high-five. “By the way, I call the dark-skinned one,” she looked back and winked at us as she went over to introduce herself.
Marcie gestured for us all to come over and meet her friends.
“This is Kendall,” she yelled over the music pointing to the dark skinned one, “this is Justin, and this is Langston, the one I was tellin’ ya’ll about.” Langston seemed to be the most laid-back and cool out of the three, but I really wasn’t interested in any of them.
We all waved and shook hands after we were all introduced. The boys looked mesmerized; they stood there gawking at us like we were the four most beautiful women they had ever seen. Tammy and Nessa started dancing with Kendall and Justin, while Marcie and Langston found a corner to converse.
I was busy skimming the crowd looking for Rome. Then I spotted him, on the other side of the room. I made my way through all the dancing people, until I was standing almost beside him. It was something about that man that made me so nervous. I was usually so sure of myself around men. I was used to being in control. I never even had to approach a guy they always came to me. That was what I had to do, find a way to make Rome approach me. I wasn’t about to be like every other girl at this party and just throw myself at him. That was no way to stand out.
He was in my view and we caught eye contact. Just then, some guy came up to me. “Damn Cameron! You just get more beautiful every time I see you girl.”
I didn’t even know who this dude was, but he apparently knew who I was. I was getting annoyed until I looked over and noticed Rome was still looking. I figured I would use whoever this nigga was as a prop to put on a show for Rome. I was gonna let him see me freak this dude on the dance floor, and that would definitely get his attention.
“Well, Thank You.” I said, turning my attention back to Mr. Random. “Let’s dance.” I whispered in his ear.
“Oh fasho,” he said trying to be calm but looking a little too excited. I rolled my eyes as I walked in front of him and put his arms around my waist and started moving to the beat. When I started feeling the beat I rotated my hips in a circular motion, moving my ass against his crotch. I let him put his hands on my hips as I moved. I looked over and saw that Rome was still watching so I began to really perform. I leaned to the front and let my ass wiggle on my dummy. More dudes started watching as I did my thing, and Rome watched a little more intensely as well.
“Damn!” I heard Mr. Random say behind me. I began to pop my ass harder and lift my dress a little so I would have more room to move the way I wanted. Mr. Random began rubbing my bare legs as I vibrated my ass on his dick through his pants which was now hard as a rock. The whole time I danced I kept eye contact with Rome, licking my lips and running my hands through my hair. I grabbed the guy’s hands and squatted down low bouncing around a minute before coming back up ass first, then touching my toes, arching my back and bouncing my ass at the same time. That nigga was going crazy, and so were all the niggas that were watching my show. I flipped my hair as I flung myself back up from my bending position to look back at Rome, but he wasn’t there anymore. I stopped dancing and looked around some more, but I didn’t see him anywhere. Mr. Random tried to pull me back to him to finish the dance but I pushed him away and made my way back to the other side of the crowd. My dance with him was no longer necessary. I couldn’t believe that my performance wasn’t good enough to hold Rome’s attention. Most niggas already wanted me, but every nigga wanted me after they saw me work on the dance floor. Maybe Tammy was right about this one, I thought.
I searched the crowd for my friends, but I didn’t see them either. As I looked for them, a familiar looking girl walked pass and bumped me really hard. She turned around and said “Oops,” while smiling a sarcastic smile. I stared back at her with eyes of rage, “Yea, oops is right!” I said. This is just what I needed. It was my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, Malinda. This bitch just couldn’t get enough. This was the same girl we kept getting into it with every time we went out. It kept getting worst and worst each time.
Jamel and I had broken up over a year ago when he went away to Atlanta for school. I was still in high school and didn’t want a long distance relationship so we broke up. He ended up moving back to take care of his mother because she had gotten very sick. We hooked up a lot when he came back, and ended up getting back together. While we were together I found out that he had been cheating on me with Malinda. I was so heartbroken. He was the first guy I really had feelings for and he betrayed me. I was faithful to him the whole time and he totally disrespected me. When he saw that I was never gonna give in and get back with him he gave up and started a relationship with Malinda. He tells me all the time that he would rather be with me and she could never take my place, but I just wanted to fuck. Jamel had the best dick I ever had. When Malinda found out we were still fucking, she didn’t want to leave him. Instead she wanted to harass me every time she saw me, as if she wasn’t the man stealing bitch to begin with. I didn’t know how many times I would have to beat this bitch’s ass before she realized the problem wasn’t with me, but with her cheating ass man. It’s crazy what good dick will do to a female.
That was the problem with women. Instead of just leaving their unfaithful men, they would rather fight the female he was cheating with. They would rather fight the female he was making a fool out of her with, instead of just saving themselves the embarrassment and kicking his ass to the curb. After being cheated on by Jamel and countless other dudes before him I decided that I wouldn’t be the bitch getting her feelings hurt anymore. If men were going to continue to cheat, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t be the one who was left attached to the man who didn’t care enough about me to be faithful. Instead I would be the girl with no strings attached that moved on when I found something better. It seemed like the solution to my man problems.
I didn’t give a fuck about Malinda. As far as I was concerned, I had Jamel first and as long as he wasn’t taking their relationship seriously enough to stop fucking me and be faithful to her, I wasn’t taking that shit serious either. You don’t come by good dick often, so as long as he was offering, I was taking. This dumb bitch wasn’t scaring me.
Malinda stood there looking stupid with her short red hair and thong sandals. She was classless, and I truly didn’t understand what Jamel saw in her. I was trying to figure out where my sisters were before anything popped off. I didn’t know how many people she had with her. Now, was the perfect opportunity for them to take advantage of me while I was alone.
Malinda was still standing there staring at me with hatred in her eyes. I wasn’t feeling the whole western stare down thing, and I couldn’t stand to look at her another moment or I would’ve slapped her stupid lookin’ ass. Besides that, I was in no position to make a first move being alone like this. There was no telling what Malinda and her friends would try to do to me. I recognized two of the girls that were with her, but I wasn’t sure if she had extra people with her that could catch me off guard. “I don’t have time for this bull shit.” I said rolling my eyes, and turning to walk away. As soon as I turned my head Malinda yanked me by my hair.
Her friends stood in front of me, and like I had suspected, there were more people with her than the two girls I recognized. There were three other girls with her, daring me to move from the grip Malinda still had on my hair. She placed her free arm around my neck and had me in a choke hold. People around us started to notice and stare.
“You had to catch me by myself to feel tough huh?” I said.
“Bitch, don’t try yo’ luck. You betta be glad the cops came last time and saved yo’ fuckin’ life. Trust me, if it wasn’t for them yo’ home wreckin’ ass wouldn’t be breathin’ right now.”
“Bitch, they saved your life. If you were about all this shit you talkin’ about, you would have taken this opportunity to show me. It’s clear that you full of shit though, ‘cuz you still ain’t done nothin’.”
Her friends and everybody who was watching looked shocked that I was still holding my ground despite being by myself. I saw a couple of other girls whose men I had been involved with looking happy that Malinda had me in the position she did.
Malinda laughed. “Look hoe, I’m only gonna tell you this one more time.” She yanked my head back by my hair, and I could smell the strong aroma of alcohol on her breath. “Leave my man the fuck alone, or I will find you, and there will be no more talking. You got that?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was angry that she was putting on a show in front of everybody while I was alone, knowing that she had just got her ass kicked last week. One thing I could not tolerate was a bitch that ran her mouth and made scenes in front of people, but knew she couldn’t really back it up.
“No, how about we just stop talking now?” I yanked my head back hard and bust Malinda in the face with the back of my head. She let me loose from her grip, and I turned to see blood running from her nose, and her eyes squinted.
“Oh, hell naw!” Her friends said, as they started swinging at me. None of them made contact before I felt security lift me from behind and start carrying me out of the party. I kicked and tried to get loose. I was furious! I still didn’t know where my friends were and I was being kicked out of the party. I looked to my left and saw Marcie and Tammy coming out of the restroom laughing. When they saw me they immediately started screaming my name.
“Cam! What the hell happened?” I heard them saying, not in any particular harmony.
“That dumb bitch Malinda happened!” I yelled back at them. Go find Janessa! We have to go!”
I heard them running to go find her, as the man placed me back on my feet and pushed me out the door. I was surprised at who I saw when I turned around and faced my carrier. It wasn’t security, it was Rome. My anger started to transform into complete embarrassment. He looked angry. I saw Malinda and her friends being carried out by security to another exit. Malinda was still trying to hold her bloody nose up to stop the bleeding. Rome just stood there looking at me.
“Where did you park?” He asked, still looking angry.
“In the lot off Fort street.” I replied, not knowing what to think about what had just happened so fast.
“Come on. I’m gonna walk you to your car so you can meet your friends at the door.”
“Ok.” I didn’t know what else to say. Rome was so in control, and so sure of himself. He just made me feel submissive to him with his fine ass.
We began walking towards our destination.
“You know, you’re too pretty to be fighting. Keep it up and you’re gonna give those girls just what they want. They just wanna take away your beauty.”
I saw his face as he spoke, but it sounded like my mother’s voice coming from it.
“Look, I don’t need any lectures, okay?” I said, jumping to defense mode. “I get enough of those from my mother. Besides, what happened in there wasn’t my fault. She was the one trying to put on a show in front of everybody.”
“If I’m not mistaken, you put on quite a show yourself before all that popped off.” I smiled to myself. I knew that Rome would be no exception to the many men that craved me, especially after seeing me on the dance floor, but I played dumb.
“What are you talkin’ about? What show?”
I looked up into his eyes, and it was like he saw straight through me. It was right then that I knew he wasn’t the type that was about games. I couldn’t play him like I did the rest of these chumps.
“Girl, don’t even try it. You was throwin’ that ass back like you was tryin’ to hurt lil’ dude.” He smiled, revealing those sexy, deep dimples.
I smiled back. “Well, I just like to have fun on the dance floor, that’s all.”
“I can tell.”
“I’m sorry about what happened back there. Hope I didn’t ruin your party.”
“Nah, it’s cool. You betta be glad you look like you do or I would be pissed right now. Just don’t let that shit happen again.”
“Fair enough.”
When we made it to my Jeep, Rome hopped in the passenger’s seat to ride back to the party with me. We didn’t say much of anything as I drove back to the entrance. We were back in front of Cobo Hall in like 10 seconds.
He got out. “Alright now, you stay out of trouble…?” He paused for me to fill in my name.
“Cameron, stay out of trouble. Alright?”
“I got you.” I said, waiting on something more. A handshake, an exchange of numbers, a head nod would have even been nice, but he didn’t even look back. Just closed my door and turned to walk away.
“Hey!” I called out before he got too far away.”
“What’s up?”
“Happy Birthday!”
“Thank you.” That was all he said. Then he ran up the stairs and back through the entrance.
“Conceited bastard.” I said, rolling my eyes. He was trying to make me work for him. I wasn’t used to that at all.

"It's Not Worth It" (Sneak Peek: Chapter 3)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 3:

“I can’t believe that sneaky bitch tried to get you while you were by yourself.”
It was two days after the party, and Janessa was still fuming through the phone.
“Don’t even sweat it sis, that weak bitch wasn’t phasin’ me.”
“I don’t care. That shit really pissed me off. I got somethin’ for her ass. Plus, she keeps bringing more people into this. She betta calm down while she’s ahead. She don’t want me to start callin’ up my ghetto ass cousins from the projects. Then we can start talkin’ bout takin lives around this bitch.”
“All this talk about killin’ people ain’t even necessary. It’s not even that serious. If somebody dies over this that would be some real stupid shit. Over a nigga? Come on now! That bitch was just runnin’ her mouth as usual.”
“Well, if she keeps tellin’ herself that nonsense, she might convince herself that it is that serious. I know the bitch is real pissed now that her nose is broke. It has to be broke, gettin’ hit with that big ol’ head of yours!” She started cracking up in laughter.
I couldn’t do anything but laugh with her. “Fuck you Nessa.”
“Girl you know I’m just messin’ with you. On another note though, what’s up with Mr. Flawless?”
I knew she was talking about Rome. “He’s playin’ games.”
“What do you mean he’s playin’ games?”
“He’s playin’ hard to get. I know he wants me though. I can tell.”
“Well did you at least get a phone number? An email address? Shit… a facebook name? Anything?”
“Damn. How you gon’ get his ass then?”
“Oh, believe me. I have my ways.”
“I feel you. I think Kendall likes me.”
“For real?”
“Yea. I’m feelin’ him too. He’s supposed to come see me tomorrow night. I’m trying to figure out a way to kick Bethany out for the night. It shouldn’t be too hard though, she’ll probably go over a friend’s house or something.”
“Well that’s cool. I hope ya’ll have fun. How old is that dude anyway?”
“He’s 22.”
“What about the other two?”
“Langston is 22 also, and Justin is 21.”
“Oh ok. I’ma have to talk to you later though. I got some stuff to take care of.”
“Alright then.”
I hit the end button on my cell phone’s touch screen, set it on my night stand, and laid back on my bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had been happening this past month. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I was almost feeling relaxed, until my cell phone started vibrating. I didn’t look at the caller I.D, I just answered the phone, keeping my eyes closed.
“Biiiiiiiiiitch!! If I hear about you bein all over my man again at one of them parties, I’ma have to whoop that ass! You a fuckin’ club hoe. Leave my baby’s daddy the fuck alone. You the last type of bitch I need around my daughter. If you would stop givin’ him your number every time you change it, you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore dumb bitch!” Then she hung up.
It was Carlo’s baby’s mama, Adrienne. She had gotten my number once again. I didn’t even feel like responding to her anymore. That shit was getting old, so I just let her speak her piece. Once again she was talkin’ about something she didn’t even know about. I had never even been around her daughter. I guess she was scared that any new girl Carlo talked to would end up playing the role of a second mother to Keena. I didn’t want to take her place. Lo and I were just friends, but her insecurities would never let her accept that. That was stress she brought upon herself to deal with, while I was carefree.
All that, and I’m not even getting any. I thought to myself. Hell, if I have to put up with this shit, I could at least get something out of it.
I heard a tap on my door.
“Come in.” I said, knowing it could only be my mother.
“You ready?” She asked.
“Yep.” I had decided to sacrifice going out tonight to help my mother with one of the biggest wedding gigs she had booked in a while.
“We have a lot of work to do. I’m glad you decided to help out today. It’s been a minute since you’ve worked with me. You know you used to love helping me when you were little?”
“I know mama. I can’t forget when you’re always reminding me.” I smiled.
She smiled back. “Well, I just miss those days when you actually wanted to spend time with your mother. That’s all.”
“Well, now that I’m older, I’m trying to figure out what my passion is. You know? The way you found yours in cooking?”
“Well you better hurry up and figure it out. I’m not paying college tuition for nothing. You said you would decide what you wanted to major in by your junior year. School starts next month, so you have some discovering to do. You’re already done with all of your basic pre requisites. Remember what I told you though. Make sure it’s something you love, and something you can see yourself doing every single day. Don’t settle for what other people think you should do.”
“I’m keeping that in mind mama.”
“Ok. Let’s get going.”
I got up off the bed and took one last look in the mirror before following Lanett downstairs. I had to wear the ugly white collared shirt, with black pants, and a black bowtie. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, put it up in a banana clip, then I was ready to go. I walked downstairs and Lanett was already in the truck. I locked the doors and hopped in my mother’s work truck with her. The big red truck, that read “Lanett’s Catering,” in big blue letters.
When we arrived at my mother’s kitchen, the place was in complete chaos. When my mother walked in though, everyone knew it was time to get serious. I could tell by the huge amounts of food and number of workers my mother had called in to work today, that this wedding was a big deal.
I picked up a menu that was lying on a table and saw that these people were paying big money for my mother’s services. It had the choice of steak, lamb, or roasted chicken for meat. The sides were green beans, roasted potatoes, shrimp, sweet rolls, and my mother’s famous pasta dish. She called it three cheese linguini. It was the best. She mixed parmesan, cheddar, and mozzarella cheese in with linguini, broccoli, butter, and her own special mixture of seasonings that she never told any of her employees. No matter how busy she was, if her three cheese linguini was being made, she had to be called when it was time for the seasoning. I didn’t even know what she used in it. She said she wouldn’t tell me the secret ingredients until my wedding day. She said that it was sure to keep any man around.
Those were only the main dish selections on the menu. There were also appetizers and desserts to be prepared as well. The kitchen was so busy. Everybody was busy doing something my mother had instructed them to do. I didn’t know anything about cooking. My job was always to transport dishes and whatever else was needed for the event from the kitchen to the truck. The men took care of any heavy items I couldn’t handle.
The thing that was best about working with my mother was when we got to eat. The delicious aroma from all the food had my stomach doing flips. I hadn’t had the chance to eat before I left the house. The staff would sit out at the tables beyond the kitchen, say a prayer that Lanett’s Catering be presented well at the event at hand, and then dig in. I knew my mother’s staff had to love that part of the job, if they didn’t love anything else.
The wedding reception was scheduled to start in 3 ½ hours. We always ate an hour before it was time to go and arrived at the venue an hour before the guests started rolling in.
That was another thing that made my mother’s business unique. The guests never had to wait to eat because of something she did. If they were waiting, it was because the hosts were keeping them waiting.
The food was without question some of Lanett’s best work yet. After we had eaten all we could, there was still plenty of work to come. All of the food was carefully packed in the proper components to keep the food fresh and hot, and then packed in the back of the truck.
Once we arrived at the reception hall. I knew for sure that these people had some money. The layout of the ballroom was exceptionally beautiful.
My mother caught a glimpse of the amazed expression on my face and smiled.
“Every girl’s dream right?” She said, patting me on my back. Then she turned and kept tending to her business.
I turned and looked at her, a little embarrassed at my gawking. I couldn’t help it. She was right. This was every girl’s dream. I could only imagine what the actual wedding must have been like if the reception hall was this stunning.
The bride had obviously chosen lavender, red, and silver as her wedding colors. Not the typical combination of colors, but beautiful nonetheless. The flower arrangements were gorgeous. The area that was obviously the dance floor was glass. Soft, mellow music played that only added to the elegance of the atmosphere. The ceiling of the ballroom was sky high and encrusted with gems of some sort that glistened like stars in the dimly lit room. The floor was carpeted with plush rich purple carpet. It was breathtaking, unlike anything I had ever seen before.
I picked up a centerpiece from one of the tables and saw that the bride and groom’s names were Calvin and Ferren Dowell. I imagined that this must have been one of the happiest days of their lives and just as the bride had always thought it would be. For a minute I was jealous of her.
Soon all of the food was set up and guests were starting to arrive. The wedding party took their seats on the grand stage, while everyone else took the seats that were reserved for them. The families of the bride and groom sat front and center. I couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of Asian people in attendance. Everyone looked joyful as they hugged each other, laughing and smiling. Old friends shared old stories and caught up on new ones. A photographer snapped pictures of what would become a lifelong memory for the couple. Memories they would one day share with their children.
A man grabbed a microphone. He stepped on stage and asked for everyone to take their seats.
“Good evening everyone. The bride and groom have arrived. They are about to have their first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Dowell.”
The crowd glowed with smiles as they awaited the entrance of the bride and groom. It always seemed that everyone was hypnotized by love at weddings, as if they had forgotten the outside world that hardly understood the meaning of love. They actually believed for that one day that true love existed. They believed for one day that over 50% of marriages weren’t resulting in divorce before they could even reach their 5th year wedding anniversary. They believed for that one special day, that the newlyweds were a match made in heaven and that they would be together until death did them part.
“Please everyone,” the man on the stage continued “welcome Mr. and Mrs. Dowell.”
Everyone clapped as the live band played the music the couple had chosen to dance to on their wedding day. A woman dressed in a beautiful light pink gown took the microphone and stood in the center of the band and began singing a romantic ballad as the crowd oohed, ahhed, and laughed at the couple that walked in and took the dance floor.
I just had to see for myself what this couple looked like. What did the bride’s wedding dress look like? How was her hair? Her makeup? I couldn’t see past the large crowd of guests that were now standing and fighting for their own view of the couple to take photos for their own memories. I stood on my toes, and tried to see but I couldn’t. I started making my way through the crowd and around the tables, until finally I could see the beautiful couple.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The groom’s face was not a face I hadn’t seen many times before. The groom was Rome. I gasped in surprise as he danced around the dance floor with his beautiful bride. She had one of the prettiest faces I had ever seen. She was Asian and Black, which explained the Asian people. She had penetrating green eyes. Her hair was long, thick, and jet black. She had it curled in spirals and pinned up through her veil. Her shapely figure could rival any of the best shaped women I had ever seen. I hated to admit it, but she could even compete with me. Her dress had to be from a top of the line designer. It was a beautiful gown and the bride was flawless. I really envied her now that I knew who her husband was.
Rome must have been his middle name. He looked so happy staring into her eyes as they danced. They kissed and smiled. Then they smiled, laughed, and kissed some more. He looked amazing all dressed up in his tuxedo. I was used to seeing him dressed down in street gear. The sophisticated look, looked even better on him. I was lost in his dimples as he smiled, holding his new wife close to him. They were honestly the perfect couple.
I imagined that I was Ferren dancing in this beautiful ballroom, on my wedding day with the man that every girl in the city wished was her own, and now my husband.
At that moment, I didn’t feel as confident in myself as I normally did. I no longer felt like I could have whomever I wanted. I wasn’t happy with the men I had already stolen from the women that loved them. I now felt like someone had been stolen from me. I was so moved by their dancing, that tears started to well up in my eyes. They were beautiful. I wanted him. There had never been anything I wanted that I couldn’t have. The fact that he might be the first thing I couldn’t have, only made me desire him more.
I looked down and realized what I was wearing. He was up there dancing with an Asian princess, while I stood there in a hostess uniform. I couldn’t take this. I had to leave. I stormed through the crowd back to the kitchen where my mother was. I told her I wasn’t feeling good and that I was going to get a ride home. She insisted on driving me home before I convinced her I was ok.
I sent Jamel a text message telling him where I was, and that I needed to be picked up. He happened to be in the area and arrived just 20 minutes later.
I needed and wanted to feel desired. I needed to be around someone I knew could boost my confidence from its current zero to its usual ten. Seeing something I wanted so badly belonging to someone else made me feel low. I had to do it back to someone else. In this case, I was giving the feeling I had to Malinda. I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of these emotions. I only wanted to hand them out. Taking what belonged to someone else, would take away from what I was feeling right now. It was the feeling of not being wanted…the feeling of not being good enough…the feeling of second place….the feeling of rejection.
I climbed into Jamel’s car and unintentionally slammed his door.
“Well damn. Hello to you too Ms. Attitude. What’s wrong with you?” Jamel asked, shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the parking lot.
“Oh, nothing. I replied, not really realizing I was displaying my thoughts. “I just have a headache, that’s all. My mama was working me like crazy.”
“You’re such a brat. You think having to drive to an A.T.M machine is working hard to earn your money.” He laughed a little. “You do look cute in that uniform though. I remember I used to pick you up from school dressed like that. Those were the days.” He continued to reminisce. “Then, what we used to do when we got back to the house…that’s a whole other memory!”
“Shut up!” I said, shoving his arm. I couldn’t help but laugh. Laughter helped relieve the constant thought of Rome and his wife on that dance floor. “Keep it up, and you won’t ever have another memory to speak of.” I took my hair down out of the clip and rubber band and let it fall down my back. I tousled it with my fingers to make some fall down my shoulders.
“Well let me shut up then because we wouldn’t want that.” He said looking over at me licking his lips. “We wouldn’t want that at all.”
Jamel had a unique style that I doubt any other dude could pull off. It almost put me in the mind of the way Usher dressed, but he put his own twist on it. Today he was wearing a brown blazer, with a white v-neck t-shirt underneath. He had on plain dark-wash jeans, and brown air-force 1’s. His complexion is a soft caramel color, and he stands at about 6 feet even. He has very defined jaw muscles and his eyes are hazel. He is always changing his hair, but right now he had it cut into a Mohawk. It didn’t look bad on him at all. His head is very small, maybe that’s why it didn’t look as weird as it looked on other guys who tried it. Both of his ears were pierced, and he had a rather slender body frame.
I still had love for Jamel, but not the way I used to. I thought I was going to be with him forever until he cheated on me. Not to mention that while he was off at college, and I was finishing my last year in high school I began really growing into my looks. It was then that I started to allow young men to give me the confidence I have today. I was always comfortable in my own skin, but it was then that I felt I could have any guy I wanted. That was when I developed the ability to manipulate any female; to make her question her worth, which is the last thing any woman should have to question. That type of power was addictive. So, when Jamel came back from Atlanta and did what he did to me he only took away every doubt I had that maybe, what I was doing was wrong. All I knew was that it sure felt a hell of a lot better than the way he had me feeling the day I found out about him and Malinda.
We arrived at Jamel’s apartment in no less than 25 minutes. This place had become like a second home to me. There wasn’t much to it, and his mother lived on the floor above him, but it was enough. There wasn’t any furniture in his carpeted living room except for a small television that sat on a fold-away table, and a large futon. The only food he ever had in his refrigerator were the ingredients to make a sandwich, and the rest was junk food. It was the typical residence for a man with no family or responsibilities, other than to take care of himself.
His bedroom consisted of his king-sized bed, one dresser and a radio sitting on another fold out table. Anything else he needed, he got by simply going upstairs to his mother. He cared for her while she was ill, and she took care of everything else. He was a bit of a mama’s boy, but I could tell he was trying to loosen his ties from his mother for the fear that she might die.
When we walked in, I walked straight to the bedroom. There wasn’t too much of anywhere else to go. He followed behind me, knowing that this meeting was going to end the same way all of our other meetings had ended. I sat down on the bed. He turned the radio on and popped a C.D in. I took my shoes off and made myself comfortable.
“Your girlfriend is getting out of control.” I told him.
“Aww man. I knew that one was coming.”
“Yea. I bet you did.”
He sat on the bed, took off his blazer, then laid back in my lap. “I keep telling her to leave you alone. She just isn’t hearing. It’s sort of your fault though.”
“My fault? How is it my fault? If it’s anybody’s fault it’s yours Jamel. If you know you’re going to be cheating on that girl, what’s the point of even being with her?”
“First of all it’s your fault because you won’t be with me. If we would have just got back together like we should have, I would have left her alone a long time ago. Now, I keep her around because she holds her man down. She helps take my mother to doctor’s appointments when I’m workin’ or in school. She cooks for me sometimes when my mother is too sick, and when she comes over she even cleans up my place. I don’t feel attracted to her the same way I do with you, but she’s a nice girl. She doesn’t have a body like you, but she really loves me. She can’t get down like you in the bedroom, but my mother seems to like her. And lastly, you the only person I’m cheatin’ on her with.”
I was taken aback by Jamel’s response. “So basically she’s like a little maid or something. What you just told me is, she’ll do everything I sure as hell ain’t about to do! You damn right I wasn’t about to get back with your cheating ass! I don’t care if I am the only person you’re cheating with, you’re still cheating, and it’s still wrong.”
“You already know this Cameron. Why you actin’ all shocked? You haven’t been the same since the day I came home from Atlanta. I still love you, but you feelin’ yourself too much to be serious the way Malinda is. You can blame me all you want, but I could tell you wasn’t trying to be in a relationship no more, so that’s what I have her for. You’ll probably be bored with me in a minute anyway.”
I paused before responding. Jamel’s words had gotten to me but I wasn’t about to let him know that. “You right. We doin’ too much talkin already.” I said, changing the subject and bending my head down toward my lap to kiss Jamel’s lips.
He sat up, now facing me. He kissed me back. We began a gentle tongue wrestle, as Jamel started unbuttoning my shirt. I stopped kissing him a minute to remove his t-shirt. He let his hands roam over my breasts, while we continued to kiss. I loosened his belt and unbuttoned his pants. He slid my shirt off my shoulders and unlatched my bra. He palmed my breast, which were more than a handful, as he began kissing and sucking my neck. That shit felt so good. He kissed my collar-bone, and made his way down to my breasts. He tickled my nipples with his tongue, causing me to release a soft gasp. I closed my eyes, lay back on my back and let him continue. He gently licked and sucked my nipples and kept moving down toward my belly. He swirled his tongue in my navel as he removed my pants and panties. When they were all the way off he placed my legs on his shoulders and kissed my inner thighs. I began to moan, knowing what was about to happen next.
I could never fully relax at Jamel’s house. There was a possibility that Malinda might pop up and some bullshit might pop off. That would be a hell of a situation to get myself out of. I thought to myself that this would be the last time I went over Jamel’s place. He made it clear to me that I was only around for his sexual gratification. I mean, sure I had the same reasons for keeping him around, but that just made it all the more logical for us to end this. After witnessing Rome with his wife, a small desire started to form in me that wanted the same thing him and Ferren shared. I could never do the things that Malinda was doing for Jamel. The dick was awesome, but I was going to have to give it up. He wasn’t the one I wanted to be with. So, why was I wasting my time? Why was I dealing with the drama?
I snapped out of my personal thoughts when Jamel began flicking his tongue on my clit. I fought for enough air to inhale, while my pussy went from wet to soaked. He began sucking on it and circling his tongue around it. It felt like all my troubles were drifting away with every lick. He reached up and massaged my nipples as his tongue dived deeper into me. It was feeling absolutely amazing, but for some reason I just wanted to hurry it along. I grabbed his head as he licked my stress away. I was about to come, but I wanted him inside me while I came.
“Ok stop.” I panted. “Let me ride you.”
With no hesitation, Jamel laid back on the bed. I pulled his pants and boxers down. I licked and sucked his fully erect penis just enough to make him throb for me before I placed a condom on it. I climbed on top of him, and eased him inside of me slowly and closed my eyes. He filled me up just right. It felt incredible.
“God damn Cam!” He said in response to how drenched I was. He grabbed and smacked my voluptuous ass as I made him go deeper inside of me every time I brought myself down on him. I moved slow enough to drive him crazy. Then I sped up as I began to come all over his dick. The fact that his eyes were rolling in the back of his head let me know that he wasn’t too far from his own pleasure peak. He grabbed my ass and pulled me down onto him harder and harder each time. My legs were beginning to shake as I came yet another time. The last of my two orgasms made my body too weak to continue. He rolled over on top of me and damn near stroked my life away until he came along with me on my third trip to an orgasm.
I laid there trying to catch my breath, and knowing that this was the last time I was going to experience what I had just enjoyed so much. I wasn’t giving him up because of Malinda or because of anything he said. I was giving him up because our relationship was long overdue. Besides, like he said, I was bound to grow bored with this shortly, knowing that nothing else was to come of it.
Normally we would just take a break after Jamel’s first eruption, then get back to it, but not today. I was ready to go.
“Can you take me home?” I asked, after washing up in the bathroom.
“Already?” Jamel said, looking confused.
“Yea. I’m just tired. I have a horrible headache. Can you just take me home?”
“No second round?”
“No. I’m all tapped out. Just take me home.”
He started looking really upset. “I was right huh? You bored with me? You’ve never been ready to leave so soon.”
“No Jamel. Don’t say that. I just have to get home. I’m really tired.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Something in Jamel’s eyes didn’t look humane. He almost looked like he wanted to hurt me. It alarmed me. I didn’t know what to think of it. I just knew I had never seen such an expression from him before. I think he sensed that I was ready to end this for good. He didn’t say anything else, he just grabbed his blazer and keys and started walking to the door. I almost felt guilty; like I had done something wrong, or like I owed him something. I started to tell him I was just kidding, but I just wasn’t in the mood to stay.
My whole attitude toward him changed after what he said to me, and I just wanted to be out of his and Malinda’s life. I knew that Jamel didn’t want to lose me altogether. Deep down he wished I would do all those things for him Malinda did, but he just wasn’t anybody I pictured myself catering to. I could have just kept using him whenever I needed him, but I didn’t want to anymore.
The drive to my house was awkwardly silent, and Jamel kept looking at me with pain in his eyes. I looked out the window for the remaining miles so that we wouldn’t make eye contact anymore. When we pulled up in front of my house I reached for the handle to open the door and get out, but Jamel grabbed my arm.
“So, something is wrong with you.” He said staring at me. “You’re not going to give me a kiss or anything before you go? You’ve been acting weird since I picked you up.”
“I’m sorry.” I reached over the armrest and tried to give him a quick peck. He wanted more. When I tried to turn my head away from him, he yanked my head back and held it to his face. He kissed me deeply and passionately as if he knew I wasn’t planning to see him again after today.
“Now, you better call me.” He said, with a demanding tone in his voice.
I was a little shocked. He acted like there were gonna be consequences of some sort if I didn’t call him. He was beginning to scare me almost. I wanted to just tell him the truth at that point, but something told me that wouldn’t be a good idea.
“Alright.” That was all I could bring myself to say.
“Bye.” He said, as he pulled off. I had barely closed his door, and I certainly hadn’t made it in the house yet. He was hurt. He knew I was done with him.

"It's Not Worth It" (Sneak Peek: Chapter 4)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 4:

Ever since my last encounter with Jamel, he made it a point to leave me voicemails and text messages every single day. He even apologized for some of the things he said to me. He kept telling me he still loved me, and whenever I was ready to be committed he better be the person I was going to be committed to.
I continued to ignore him. I knew what taking away “pussy privileges” could do to a man. They would say and do anything to get you back in the sack with them. I knew he would never really leave Malinda alone to be with me; the same way he hadn’t left me alone to be faithful to her. I felt good about my decision to be done with him. It felt as if I had just dodged a huge missile. He could try as hard as he wanted, but I wasn’t giving in. I figured he would get the point sooner or later.
I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I hurried down the stairs to answer the door, knowing it was Tammy and Marcie. I had invited them over to chill with me and catch up on some things. Janessa had to work, or otherwise she would have been invited as well.
When I made it down the stairs, I saw that my mother beat me to the door. She had already let my friends in and was welcoming them with hugs. She loved my friends like extended family and they loved her just the same. They knew they could come to her about anything, just as I knew I could.
I joined in the hugging, then told my friends to follow me upstairs.
“Ya’ll stayin’ for dinner?” My mother called out behind them as we walked up the stairs.
“You know I am.” Tammy called back with a smile.
“Ok then.” My mom responded. “I don’t even need to ask Ms. Greedy…I already know she’s staying too.”
We all laughed at Lanett’s references to Marcie. That girl could eat. My mom knew that if she was coming over, she had better make enough food for her as well.
“See that’s why I love you mama Lanett. You know me well.” Marcie replied in the middle of her laughter.
When we made it up to my room I closed the door behind us.
“Ok. So, I can’t wait any longer. I have to tell ya’ll somethin.” Marcie blurted out as soon as she sat down at my computer desk.
“What?” Tammy and I said in unison.
“I have a boyfriend.” She said with the largest smile on her face I had ever seen. Her gray eyes were gleaming with happiness.
Tamela replied first. “Are you serious Marcie? You haven’t had a boyfriend since elementary school. So, this is really big news.”
“I know. Langston is just so different from all the other niggas I been fuckin’ wit. We really, really like eachother. I know it’s kind of soon, but I know everything I need to know about him to know he’ll be around for a minute. And look what he bought me.” Marcie placed her hand on her neck, drawing our attention to the beautiful platinum heart charm that hung there. There was a diamond studded arrow going through the heart that sparkled with Marcie’s every move.
“Damn, girl.” I said with an impressed expression on my face. “You must have worked his ass out.”
We all laughed.
“That’s the thing. We haven’t even had sex. He doesn’t act like I owe him anything but my time. We have so much fun together. It almost feels like it was meant to be. I mean, don’t get me wrong I still have my guard up because he’s almost too good to be true, but ya’ll know me…I’m usually good with seein’ people for what they really are. I’m not one to play around. I just really feel like he has been nothing but honest to me from the start.”
Marcie made valid points. I was a little on the edge about this dude buyin’ my sista expensive gifts and not asking anything back from her. I thought there must be something he wanted from her. Those type of guys just didn’t exist nowadays. Like she said though, she wasn’t one to just spend a lot of time with someone that gave her bad feelings. She would just get what she could out of them, and then leave them alone. She was the one who noticed when guys we talked to seemed a little shady, and 9 times out of 10 she turned out to be right, even when we fought her on it. So I trusted her on this. I knew she made good decisions.
I smiled at her. “Aww…I’m happy for you girl. I can hardly believe it, but I’m happy that somebody is makin’ my sista happy.”
“Ok this is too emotional for me. Ya’ll need to toughen back up.” Tammy said laughing. “I’m happy for you too though sis, you hit the jackpot with this one. Buying you gifts like that and ya’ll have only been kickin’ it for like a month? And you didn’t give him any? What is he gonna buy when you do give him some?”
We all laughed at Tammy. She was all about the money.
“I am worried about Nessa though.” Marcie said, changing the subject.
“Why? What’s up with her?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just don’t really like Kendall. Him and Langston almost got into it last weekend. Do you know he had the nerve to try and hit on me?”
“What type of shit is that?” Tammy asked.
“I know right? That’s what I said. He tried to make it seem like he was just playin’, but Langston was pissed. He said it wasn’t the first time he tried his luck with one of his female friends. That wasn’t really what made me not like him though. It’s just something about him that I can’t put my finger on.”
That was what she always said when she didn’t like somebody. Whatever it was that she couldn’t pinpoint just about always came to surface soon enough. I wondered what it would be this time.
“So what’s up with this whole wedding thing Janessa told me about?” Tammy asked, looking at me.
I hadn’t taken my mind off that matter yet. I had to find a way to get in touch with Rome. I had to see if there was any chance that I might be able to have him.
“Yea, Rome’s married.” I said with a blank looking face.
“So what’s up with that?” Marcie asked, knowing I was hurt about the whole thing. They knew how I was about something when I wanted it. Nothing was going to stop me. It was that very reason that I had just about everything I wanted.
That didn’t just apply to men; it applied to getting grades raised at school, getting whatever job I wanted, and sometimes even getting over on my mother without her noticing. In this case however, Rome happened to be something that I wanted for a very long time. I just couldn’t bring myself to approach him, which was completely out of my character.
Normally when I wanted something, I just went for it and fought for it until it was mine. There was just some kind of control that Rome had over me that I couldn’t explain if I tried. Whatever it was, it drew me to him while at the same time repelled me away. At this point I decided to make myself push past the repellant and see how far I could get with him. It was never too late.
“Ya’ll know I’m not giving up.” I smirked at them. “I just need to find a way to run into him or get in touch with him.”
Tammy looked concerned. “I know you want him, and that you have been wanting him for a real long time. But damn, you just gonna take him from his new wife like that? This ain’t the same as the game you play with boyfriends. He’s someone’s husband. I mean, I could even see if he was just some old dude who’s bored with his wife that you were playin’ for cash. This is different. You have real feelings for Rome, and he is a newlywed.”
“I know. That will only make it easier for me though, they ain’t been married that long. He know he wanna see what I’m about. I’m not givin’ up. I just need closure or something. It’s like, I never tried, and I won’t know unless I do. I don’t wanna be stuck on the ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda,’ I wanna know for sure.”
“Well at least get some money out of it.” Tamela said, realizing she wasn’t about to change my mind.
“You know what you can do?” Marcie chimed in.
“Your mom catered his wedding right?”
“So she still has his contact information somewhere right?”
“Yea.” I could see where she was going with this.
“So you should find a way to get to it.”
“That would almost be like I’m stalkin’ him or somethin’. I don’t wanna seem crazy.” I told her.
“You could like pretend it’s a courtesy call or something.” Tamela said, adding on to Marcie’s idea. “You know call for Lanett’s catering service. Say you’re doing a follow up to make sure they were satisfied with the food and stuff.”
I smiled. “Now that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”
“Yea. You should tell him you need to meet with him or something because there was a problem with the bill.” Marcie took it a step further. “That way ya’ll can meet face to face and you can tell him how you feel, and then just go from there.”
It sounded crazy, but I liked the idea. It would be risky but I was willing to do it for a little time with Rome. I would be able to see where his head was. If I told him who I was and he agreed to meet with me that would be all the information I needed to know.
“Alright I’m gonna do it.” I was nervous about the whole thing and almost felt like just counting this one as a loss, but I decided to go through with it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

It's Not Worth It (Sneak Peek: Chapter 5)

Copyright © 2010
All rights reserved to Botta Bing.
ISBN 978-0-557-68213-3

Chapter 5:

I thought about the plan we came up with all night. I was so anxious to see what the outcome would be. I woke up with butterflies in my stomach knowing that this was the day I was going to take my chance, and finally approach Rome.
After waking up and eating French toast with my mother I got ready to put the plan in motion. Lanett had left for the business seminar she was catering today. I knew where she kept all her customer’s information. She had asked me to file the information for her many times before.
I logged on to the computer in Lanett’s office and opened her business files. I typed in Rome and found no results. I had almost forgotten that his real name was Calvin Dowell. When I typed in Dowell, his information automatically popped up. Listed under his name were three numbers. One said home in parentheses, the other Ferren, and the other Calvin.
Of course I decided to use Rome’s cell phone number. I took a deep breath as I grabbed the phone off my mother’s desk. I couldn’t believe the risk I was about to take. It was desperate, but I just wasn’t gonna give up a chance with Rome, married or not. I had to see if I was missing out on anything.
Nervously, I began dialing the numbers. My heart beat faster every time the phone rang. Then after the fourth ring, the ringing stopped. I heard music and rustling in the background before he answered.
“Hello.” He spoke loudly over the music. I imagined he was in his studio.
“Hello Mr. Dowell. I’m calling on behalf of Lanett’s catering.” I responded in my best professional voice.
“Oh, can you hold on for a minute?” I heard him talking to people in his background telling them he was gonna step out and take this call but they should continue running the song. I heard a door open and close behind him. “Sorry about that. How can I help you?”
“Well it’s procedure at Lanett’s Catering to call our clients and give them a brief survey to ensure that they were satisfied with our services, it will only take a minute.”
“Well, I’m sort of in the middle of something. You all did a great job, the food was great, just give yourself the highest rating there is ok? I really have to get back to work now.” He said trying to rush off the phone.
I almost said ok and hung up, but I decided to go through with the plan. “Actually Mr. Dowell, there is a bit of a billing issue we came across as well. I’m Lanett’s daughter, we met at Cobo Hall. She asked me to take care of this personally. Can you meet me somewhere so that we can discuss the issues and take care of everything as soon as possible?”
“Wait a minute what did you say your name was?”
“Oh ok. I remember you. Small world huh?” He laughed a little.
I laughed too. “Sure is. So, can you meet me?” I said, changing my voice to a more personal tone.
There was a long pause. “Why can’t I just handle whatever the problem is at Lanett’s kitchen? Why do I have to meet with you?”
I paused. “Well you don’t have to. Trust me though, what I have to discuss with you can’t be handled in the kitchen.” I said revealing my real reason for calling him.
“Oh ok. Where do you want to meet?” He gave in easier than I thought.
I smiled. “How about downtown at Small Plates?”
“Ok. Be there at 3:30 sharp.”
“Ok. See you then.” Then we hung up.
It seemed unreal what had just happened. I was about to meet with Rome. I didn’t know what to think of it. It was only like 11:30, but I had to figure out what I was going to wear.
I ran upstairs to my room, picked out what I was going to wear, and then hopped in the shower. After I showered I lounged around in my towel for a minute talking to Janessa, Tamela, and Marcie on a conference call. I told them all the details about what was getting ready to happen. They were as surprised as I was that I went through with the plan and that it actually worked. They all wished the best for me before we hung up.
My phone had been alerting me of new text messages and voicemails the whole time I was on the phone. They were all from Jamel. I was still ignoring him, and he still wasn’t giving up. He was starting to get angry with me, and some of his messages were becoming disrespectful. One of his text messages read: U know what? If u was just gon play me like this that’s all u had 2 say. Fuck u. U a hoe anyway! I hope Malinda gives u what u deserve.
I wasn’t surprised. I figured that some hurtful things would be said in the process of me cutting Jamel off. It did piss me off though, and I found it funny that he thought his girlfriend was gonna hurt me or something. Although, every bone in my body was ready to call him and go the fuck off, I didn’t, because I knew that was the reaction he was probably looking for at this point. I figured his lashing out could only mean that the time was near for him to give up and leave me alone.
The time was now 1:45 and my heart was racing. I couldn’t wait to see Rome and finally tell him that I always wanted him. I wanted to tell him I didn’t care about his wife, and that I could be his getaway when he was tired of her. I was finally gonna put it all out there, I just wished I would have done it sooner. I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression.
Since I knew it would take awhile making sure everything was perfect for my meeting I began getting ready early. I picked out some khaki Bermuda shorts that really showed off all my curves, a fitted baby-blue ruffle blouse that showed lots of cleavage, and my baby-blue toe-out, satin stilettos with the dark brown heel. I put smoky brown eye shadow on my eyelids, and applied a little mascara and lip gloss. I hardly ever wore make-up, but I wanted to make sure I was perfect. I decided to wear my hair in a low side ponytail that hung over my left shoulder onto my breast. After I put on my dark wooden jewelry that my mother bought me from the African festival, and placed all my belongings in my brown leather Gucci bag I was all ready to go. Grabbing my keys and cell phone off the nightstand where my clock now read 2:50, I headed downstairs feeling like a million bucks.
Walking to my driveway, I could have sworn I saw Jamel’s car pull off from across the street, but maybe I was just imagining things. I hoped to myself that he wasn’t that crazy, then hopped in my truck and pulled off. My phone started vibrating in my lap. My Caller I.D flashed a picture of Carlo so I answered.
“Wassup baby?” I said placing the phone on speaker and leaving it in my lap.
“Oh bitch I got yo’ baby!” It was Adrienne, apparently calling me from Lo’s phone. I heard Keena crying in the background.
“Girl, don’t you hear your daughter crying? Don’t you have some motherly duties you need to tend to?”
“Don’t worry about my daughter or my motherly duties. I handle my business bitch, which is why I’m calling you now. Carlo forgot his phone, he had to make a quick run. I just knew I wasn’t gonna see yo’ stupid ass in his phone again, but guess what?”
I gasped sarcastically. “Oh God! Don’t tell me you saw me in there!” I laughed.
“Aint shit funny hoe! The only thing that’s gon’ be funny is when I beat the fuck outta you. You gon’ learn! Whether it’s the easy way, or whether I gotta show you the hard way.”
“Look…” I started to respond only to see call ended flashing on my screen. That bitch is a real piece of work. I thought to myself as I drove. I wasn’t gonna let her ruin my mood though. I changed my state of mind back to positive, thinking of how pleased Rome would be that he agreed to meet with me after he saw how good I looked right now. I wished for a kiss at the end of this meeting as I continued to fantasize about how this would play out the whole drive there. Then finally, I was there.
I parked on the street in front of the restaurant, took a deep breath, and then I got out. When I got inside, the atmosphere was quiet and relaxed as usual. I chose for us to meet here for those very reasons. It was more of a personal feel here. We would be able to be secluded and really get to know each other. I searched the room and didn’t see Rome anywhere. After the host asked how many were in my party, I informed him that I was waiting on another guest that should be arriving shortly. When I was seated I retrieved my cell phone from my purse to check the time. I was a little early. It was 3:20. I hoped this wouldn’t make me seem too eager.
About 15 minutes passed before I saw the person I had been awaiting walk through the door. Well, not exactly. The person that was there to meet me wasn’t Rome. Damn! He set me up! I thought to myself. I didn’t know what I should do. Should I hurry up and get out of here before she recognized me? Should I just be a woman and stand up to her? Shit! I don’t know what to do.
Ferren spotted me. I was the only one sitting alone. My heart began pounding as she pointed to me when the host came over to seat her. She strutted through the restaurant to the back booth where I was sitting, looking like a super model with her long hair flowing over her back and shoulders. She was wearing Chanel sunglasses, and a yellow sundress. There was no turning back at this point I had to stand up to her.
She stood over the table staring at me with her green eyes a minute before she took a seat across from me. I stared back.
“You look just like your mother.” She said. There was no sign of friendliness in her face when she spoke. I knew Rome must have told her everything. “My husband informed me that there was an issue with our bill. Where are the documents we need to look over?”
I just sat there staring at her, looking humiliated. “You know what?” I said with a fake smile. “I must have left them in the car. Let me go get them and I’ll be right back.” I had no intentions on coming back. I had begun to scoot out of the booth when Ferren reached across the table and grabbed my arm.
“Wait.” She said, while I looked at her like she had to be crazy for grabbing me like that. “I know what this is all about. Rome told me you have a thing for him.”
“Look…I’m sorry ok. Let me just be on my way.” I said getting ready to leave again.
“You’re not sorry.” She said with a smirk. “You remind me a lot of a younger me. I used to be just like you when I was your age. You know? Not giving a fuck about who a man belonged to because I knew I was the shit.”
“Hold up! You don’t know anything about me!” I said, feeling guilty of how right she was about my character.
“Look I’m just gonna get to the point ok?” She said, removing her sunglasses from her face. “I just got back from a wonderful honeymoon and I really don’t feel like making this any more complicated than it has to be. Although, I didn’t think it would be happening this soon, I don’t mind if Calvin sees other women. I know how many women want him, and I know it’s only a matter of time before he’ll give in. He’s a man; he can only take so much. The thing is though, I’m the chosen one. I’m his wife. I’m the one he comes home to every night, and the only woman he’s reaching in his pockets to give any money to. I’m the one with his last name, and when he gets tired of all you thirsty heffas, I’m the one who will still be by his side. He only sees other women that I approve of, and he has to abide by my rules. You cross me the wrong way, and anything you and my husband had going on can be considered done immediately. If you don’t end it when I say it’s done, you can consider yourself dead.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It almost felt like I was in a nightmare or something. How could she be ok with her husband seeing other women? I had never heard anything like this before. I just sat there stunned. I didn’t know what to say, or even what I was supposed to say to something like that. This was not at all how I had imagined this meeting going.
After looking me over, Ferren interrupted my thoughts. “You’re a bit young, but I guess I approve. Congratulations Cameron, you’re Calvin’s first fling.” She said with the fakest smile I had ever seen. “These are my rules. Listen carefully, because I’m only gonna say this once. He is not to see you more than once a week, never in public, and never in our home. Don’t ever try to embarrass me or think you’re taking my place, because like I explained before I’m the head bitch in charge! He may buy you occasional gifts, but is to never pay any of your bills, tuition, rent, give you cash, or write you checks. Sex must be protected at all times, and for the duration of your little fling you must be on the pill.” She placed her sunglasses back on her face, and gathered her belongings. She started to walk away, but stopped to turn around and tell me one more thing. “Oh yea, I’m gonna need you to get tested for S.T.D’s and get the results to me before you two get started as well. Ok? We all clear?” She just shook her head yes and started walking towards the door before even allowing me to respond.
I just sat there watching her leave the restaurant, half of me still in a deep state of shock, the other half still wanting to wake up from this humiliating nightmare. I felt really small sitting there alone. What had I just gotten myself into? At least now, I knew one thing for sure. I knew that Ferren wasn’t the right one for Rome. She couldn’t really, truly love him if she was ok with him not being completely hers. This almost took the excitement out of everything. Rome and I wouldn’t be a secret kept from his wife. He wouldn’t be putting his relationship on the line because he had feelings for me. It would just be something his wife allowed him to do.
When I was ready to just forget the whole thing ever happened, I thought about how I could really use this to my advantage. If Ferren wanted to be dumb enough to allow Rome to be with other women, I was going to be the one that made her regret it. After I started spending some time with Rome, he would see how he was really supposed to be treated. I would snatch him right from under her grip. He was going to be mine. He didn’t deserve anyone who didn’t want his all, and that wasn’t going to give her all. It would get old sooner than they thought. I guessed that the confidence, or at least the confidence that Ferren thought she possessed was part of the reason Rome married her in the first place. It took a strong woman to be able to put up with something like this.
As far as I was concerned, their marriage was now on my clock. It would be a matter of time before Rome was leaving her to be with me.
I walked out of the restaurant with too much on my mind. This had been a crazy couple of weeks. There was no telling what would happen next. Whatever it was that was about to take place in my life made me feel like I was on the brink of a true learning experience. The present seemed like the most eventful period I would ever live out. A point I would never forget.
I had one foot in my car when I heard someone call my name. I turned around only to find Jamel standing across the street. What the hell? Is this nigga stalking me or something? So, that was his car in front of my house earlier.
I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there staring at him with one foot in the car and the other on the pavement.
“Just let me talk to you real quick Cameron.” He started crossing the street. He looked so hurt, like someone close to him had just passed away or something.
“Jamel, did you follow me here? Are you out of your mind?!” I said, taking my leg out of the door and slamming it behind me.
“No, the question is, are you out of your mind? Why you ain’t been answerin’ none of my calls or messages? And who the hell who you out here tryna look all good for?” The pain I saw in his eyes had turned to complete rage.
“Oh hell naw! You got me all the way fucked up! I don’t have to answer to you! It ain’t none of yo’ damn business who I’m lookin’ good for, just know it ain’t you. And, I haven’t been answering you because I’m done with you. So, have a nice life with your weak ass girlfriend because we are finished!” I said, completely angry at him for following and questioning me like I was his property. If he wanted to follow somebody, it should have been Malinda, not me.
Rage showed even deeper in his eyes. He balled his fist up as if he wanted to punch me in my face, and then he backed away. His pain had taken over again. “Look Cameron, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for following you here, and I’m sorry for everything I said. You know I love you. We can work this out. You can’t just tell me you’re done with me like that! Don’t do this to me girl.” He was pleading with me as if we were in a relationship. He was really pissing me off acting all desperate. I couldn’t stand it. It only confirmed my decision to be done with him.
“Work what out Jamel? The only person you need to be working shit out with is Malinda. We were only fuckin’, you act like it was something more. I don’t want to do this with you anymore. I’m done, and there is nothing you can say to change my mind.”
When I said that, it must have taken him completely over the edge. He gripped both of my arms and slammed me up against my car. He hurt my arms more than anything. I winced in pain, “Ouch! You’re hurting me! What the fuck is wrong with you?” He let go of me.
“I don’t mean to hurt you Cam, but you are evil. You know that right? How the fuck you gon’ stand here and tell me to work it out with my girl when you know you don’t really give a fuck about what happens with us? I don’t know what I was thinking still messing with you anyway! You ain’t nothing but a hoe, goin’ around stealing men from women because you ain’t shit and can’t keep a man for yo’ damn self. You know I really cared about you and would have never cheated on you if you weren’t so busy trying to be seen by every other nigga instead of making time for me. And you know it don’t you?!” He was talking so close to my face that our noses were almost touching. He rammed his finger into my forehead with every insult.
I smacked his hand down, just as a guy who had been watching the whole ordeal from the window of Small Plates came out in my defense. He yelled at Jamel, telling him to stop before he called the police. I used that opportunity to hurry up and hop in my truck. Jamel backed away from my truck and went back across the street towards his own car. “This ain’t over bitch! It is not over!” I heard him yelling out as I pulled off.
Tears started streaming down my face as I drove back home. I had never seen this side of Jamel, and I didn’t like what I was seeing at all. This whole day had just turned into a true nightmare. All I wanted to do was just go home, eat dinner with my mother, get some rest, and start over in the morning.